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now all that's left of me, is what I pretend to be.
this is me.
aimee perpuse.
st. joseph graduate, st. augustine freshman.
trust isn't given, trust is earned.
lose it, lose it forever.
my heart isn't a toy, so don't play games.
not in a relationship, nor am I looking into being in one.
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Wednesday, February 17, 2010 | 2:55 PM
here I am, back to that feeling. you know what feeling I'm talking about ladies.
that one where you wake up, & get out of bed - not because you have to, but because in a couple of hours, you get to see him. that one where you try your hardest to look your best, just for him to notice you. that one where you walk that extra mile, just to be appreciated by him. that one where, when he looks at you, even for a second, your insides melt & nothing else matters. that one where you see him, & it's like - the world is good again, & you notice no one but him. that one where you rush out of class, just to get a little glance at him before he rushes to his next class. that one where you make any excuse to get out of class, hoping to bump into him in the halls. that one that makes you talk a little louder, laugh a little harder, smile a little bigger, just because he's - .. well, - him. that one where you wait outside of your class, hoping to get that one little look at him, before he goes into his class. that one where you stare at his msn name, waiting for him to come on, & when he does - this unexplainable feeling of excitement comes over you, & you can't make it stop. that one who you write blogs about. that one you can't get off your mind, even if you tried. (i'm trying.) that one where when his name is mentioned, & your head automatically shoots up. that one where you try anything & everything for him to just notice you. that one you were thinking about while reading this.

honestly - I'm back to that feeling. & honestly - I hate it. I don't want to feel like this for another guy, cuz yeah - I'm scared. scared to hurt, scared to love, scared to loose. I've only loved once in my life, & I thought it was gonna last forever - turns out it didn't. & it hurt, hurt like a bitch, & I am not willing to go through that feeling again, no matter how sweet, no matter how good looking, no matter how caring he may be. I don't know when I'm going to be ready - but right now, I sure as hell am not ready. I've tried so hard, not to look for you in that hallways or the cafe, to put on a disguise, pretending I don't notice you, to hide my jealousy when other girls talk about you. I put on this mask, this mask that hides these feeling for you that I don't want to feel! it's like .. I pretend it doesn't bother me when I hear people talk about how cute you are, or how so many girls are getting at you, or how it's not me you're looking at .. it's my bestfriend. I don't know, I tell myself I don't like you, & I believe that I don't, but if I didn't, honestly . -
would you be the reason I'm writing this blog .. ?