i've been overwhelmed with this feeling for awhile now, but i just don't know what it is. somewhere, deep down inside of me, it just .. doesn't feel right. it feels as if i'm loosing, but in reality, there really is nothing to win. i've been faking smiles, i've been holding in tears, i've keeping it all in, for the sake of others - not myself. i'm sick of telling people my problems, only to get sympathy back. sometimes, sympathy is the last thing i need, sometimes i just need people to tell me it's alright, & that it will be alright, even if it's not. somethings missing, i can feel it, i just .. don't know what it is. i don't really know what to do anymore. writing blogs & such, probably won't help me very much .. but i don't see what wrong it could do to me. it's just another way i can get this off my chest. as sad as it is, it feels like the only way i could get this feeling off my chest, is writing it down & simply talking to no one about it. mostly because no one would understand want i'm talking about, - i mean .. i barely no one what i'm talking about. i'm just babbling on & on about stupid things that are clogging up my mind. i think i need help, or maybe i just need someone to talk to, someone who understands what i'm going through. someone who can just reassure me i'm not alone in this. i don't know, maybe it's too much to ask for ..
now all that's left of me, is what I pretend to be.
this is me.
st. joseph graduate, st. augustine freshman.
trust isn't given, trust is earned.
lose it, lose it forever.
my heart isn't a toy, so don't play games.
not in a relationship, nor am I looking into being in one.
speak up.
Thursday, February 11, 2010 | 7:58 PM